Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
