Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
