Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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