So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize