I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
