I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
