I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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