Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Randomize
