the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
