why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
