Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
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We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
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You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
And then my night got REAL pukey
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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