My Higher Power is John Stamos
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
