dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
