It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
should my penis look like a turkey
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Randomize
