Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
