Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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