ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I wear drunk well.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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