Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
