ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My feet surprised me
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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