I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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