shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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