eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
