I'm so fucking centered right now
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
