Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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