Have you finally orgasmed yet?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
