I can't breathe out the right side of my face
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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