ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
