Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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