drinking out of a sandbucket again
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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