I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
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