my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
