So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
