like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
