I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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