Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
