Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
