Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
