thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
