well I can't set my house on fire every night
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
