I think I died a long time ago.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
