I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
How's work?
Spinning.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
