Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
