I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
