Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
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We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
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you made out with another girl for some wings
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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