Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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