walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
