am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
