I want to have your abortion
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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