my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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