he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
