I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
