i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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