she looked like the before picture.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.