I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me