I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising