dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We need a shit load of segways right now
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES