I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing