I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!