Texts From Last Night

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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.

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  (480): I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is. http://tfl.nu/0bg6
  Replies (13) Good night (2452) Bad night (823)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...

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  (240): He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow... http://tfl.nu/tod7
  Replies (74) Good night (1847) Bad night (12291)
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  (914): View more from New York

  When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...

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  (914): When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking... http://tfl.nu/3yo6
  Replies (13) Good night (5014) Bad night (1217)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.

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  (509): Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that. http://tfl.nu/jsxj
  Replies (10) Good night (5793) Bad night (1750)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.

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  (732): she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it. http://tfl.nu/tlpk
  Replies (9) Good night (3828) Bad night (908)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?

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  (416): At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out? http://tfl.nu/a2wn
  Replies (13) Good night (2837) Bad night (988)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.

  (1-870): View more from Arkansas

  You always know what to say to make me feel better.

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  (870): If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you. (1-870): You always know what to say to make me feel better. http://tfl.nu/or61
  Replies (2) Good night (1846) Bad night (687)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.

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  (614): Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop. http://tfl.nu/e8lv
  Replies (7) Good night (784) Bad night (1214)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.

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  (614): I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together. http://tfl.nu/yozh
  Replies (6) Good night (1191) Bad night (814)
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  (415): View more from California

  you should be awarded for your promiscuity.

  (1-415): View more from California

  i really should.

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  (415): you should be awarded for your promiscuity. (1-415): i really should. http://tfl.nu/3phz
  Replies (4) Good night (977) Bad night (519)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome! 

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  (330): At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!  http://tfl.nu/byi2
  Replies (1) Good night (471) Bad night (1115)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.

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  (208): I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook. http://tfl.nu/vmgg
  Replies (1) Good night (359) Bad night (577)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices

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  (615): I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices http://tfl.nu/572b
  Replies (6) Good night (427) Bad night (671)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?

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  (630): Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids? http://tfl.nu/4q99
  Replies (4) Good night (694) Bad night (370)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.

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  (207): Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg. http://tfl.nu/550i
  Replies (3) Good night (641) Bad night (414)

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