Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Please. i have SOME standards
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?