if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles