Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
