His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
