That's when you crack a 10am beer
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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