they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
