Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
