I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
