Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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