allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
