is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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