Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
