even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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