What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
