Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
