Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
