quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.