I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
