I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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