god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
