I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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